Yep, I guess a little bit hippie…

With a mix of concerted cultivation, emotion coaching, authoritative (not to be confused with authoritarian) parenting styles and a libertarian leaning. I’ve been labeled by many as a hippie or neo-hippie. Not sure that’s an entirely accurate label due to my complex and somewhat contradictory views. However, I’m fine with that if it helps people relate to me. I’m open to hear about your differing style and thoughts as long as it doesn’t come along with judgments - please don’t tell me your way is ‘better’. Have you tried both ways, and one way is better for you and your family?! Then good for you for exploring and improving your situation. Otherwise, how do you know which is ‘better’ and better for whom?

With the help of these articles and others I was able to better articulate some of my come from as it pertains to both parenting and life.

http://www.helium.com/items/171239-neo-hippie-parenting “Neo-Hippie parenting”

http://www.helium.com/items/1014476-neo-hippie-parenting “Neo-Hippie parenting”

·         Don’t expect from others – earn what you need and appreciate what’s shared

·         Admitting failure is extremely powerful because influence without humility is meaningless

·         Honor honesty - trust is the means by which all human relationships are governed

·         Leave it better then you found it - improve the situation, at minimum try not to make it worse

·         Obedience, teach  it as a survival skill as it comes into play with both laws and physics

·         Forgive accidents and mistakes yet implement and explain the reasonable punishment for purposeful wrong-doing

·         Family and friendship is a commitment, maintain and grow relationships

·         People matter not stuff but respect people themselves as well as their views and belongings

·         Practice what one preaches – illustrate quality characteristics for a happy healthy life

Roller coasters - yuck

Roller coasters have ups and downs, abrupt twists and turns, and outrageous speeds. I’ve been on a few and know I don't like the real things.  I for sure don’t like the emotional ones either! Wow, today has been a real doozie. I had strange dreams that gave me funky uneasy feelings to start my day. I had some really pleasant moments today, lunch break especially where I escaped cube land to enjoy Texas winter of a sunny 75 degrees. But I’m back to feeling stressed and sad. During my down time/breaks at work I tried to keep busy by reading articles, but that just made me flustered. I don’t think I can win today. It’s not even 4 pm and all I want to do is get my hugs and kisses from G and R and head to bed.

This particular article really got me exasperated: http://healthland.time.com/2011/03/04/why-having-kids-is-foolish/ “Kid Crazy: Why We Exaggerate the Joys of Parenthood”. My reaction - Really?! There is no way I can exaggerate the way it feels to get a hug, a kiss, a snuggle form my daughter! The way my heart melts the first time (and every time after) when I hear “Mommy, I love you”. It’s beyond amazing! Exaggerate… WHATEVER! I do not deny the sleepless nights or financial stress of children, but I have no need to exaggerate the joys because they are immense in quality and quantity. That might not be everyone’s experience, but I want to state this ‘study’ does not represent me.

An interesting quote I came across was “… the vast majority of American men and women eventually have children, yet conditions in our society make it nearly impossible for them to reap all the emotional benefits of doing so.” Ok. I do envy some European social support systems that are available to parents. I also think it’s wonderful that nursing mothers are not shamed or treated as flashers in other parts of the world. But I think some of the ‘American’ lack of emotional benefit stretches beyond parenting. I think in large part health, happiness, and culture is under rated here in the states. A focus on career, stability, and money impedes many to feel fulfilled (with or without children). 

To Be, Or Not To Be... a parent

Even when trying to focus on work, a conversation breaks out among my peers about the benefits of having kids, or why anyone would ever procreate. Though my office as a whole is very supportive or indifferent about the three pregnancies currently in the office, there a few out spoken people that question the whole family dynamic. Don’t get me wrong I don’t think it’s for everyone and don’t feel the need to try to convince or encourage others toward my lifestyle choices, but I know it’s the most amazing thing I’ve done. And that is over simplifying how I feel about expanding my life roles beyond daughter, sister, friend, and student to also being a partner, mother, and teacher.

Recently I’ve been quoted how much it costs (in dollars) to raise a child, what I have to give up, what will inevitably change, and all the unknown additional stressors.  Ummm, hey buddy this is my second child… I expect more to change and more challenges, but I did this on purpose – thanks for the warnings. By the way, I love, adore and respect my husband and I get that in return. We are ecstatic to expand our little family! That’s fine that you don’t want kids; It’s not my issue that you don’t understand or disagree with marriage and if you're happy without it, then I'm happy for you. I’m not preaching that you should live your life any different that you want to… I do think people can have fulfillment in life without those social norms, but I also think some of us want those things not because that’s what we should do but rather it’s what we want.

What I said back to my colleagues that engaged me in conversation was – If you don’t want kids don’t have them, if you don’t want to get married don’t. They seemed surprised I wasn’t gushing over the joys. I don’t need to. I love having a life partner and being a parent, but have no expectation that everyone should or everyone does.